Tag Archives: sadness

I Can’t Imagine

Having the entire world watch your every move and emotion during the funeral for your father.

I was fortunate to be able watch the funeral services for President Bush today. It was a wonderful service and I was reminded again at how much I love listening to W speak. What a beautiful send off for his dad.

God bless W and his family as they say a final goodbye to 41.

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Filed under coping, grief, PostADay, Stuff

Progress

Seemed like everything was stuck in limbo for the longest time . . . and then everything started moving at once!

We finally got the final death certificate for Prince Charming . . . which means that all kinds of things can start to move . . . charges were filed against the driver that caused the accident.  No drugs, alcohol, or speeding involved in the accident.  The driver has been charged with vehicular homicide . . . which in the State of Ohio is a second degree misdemeanor.  He faces 6 months in jail, a $750 fine, and losing his drivers license for up to 5 years. 

Now that that we have the final death certificate and an “official” cause of death . . . the personal injury case can move forward a little . . . it’s still a “hurry up and wait” process, but at least we have finally made a step forward.

Most of the estate work is done . . . but there have been a couple of things in that process that I’ve had to deal with.  One is a medical bill from 2012 that supposedly has never been paid.  I’m waiting on paperwork on that.  One is a tax bill from the little city where we live . . . there is a dispute about Prince Charming’s 2012 city tax return that I thought he had taken care of but he apparently hadn’t.  I’m letting the lawyer handle that one. 

I ordered the headstone and it’s almost ready for installation . . . I’ve seen a picture of the headstone and, let me tell you, there is nothing creepier in the world than seeing your name on your very own headstone.  Not to mention the totally surreal feeling of seeing Prince Charming’s info on his side of the stone.  It’s a beautiful stone and I’m very happy with it . . . except for the fact that I can’t shake the feeling that some of the letters in Prince Charming’s name are just a touch “off” and look crooked to me.  I need to see it in person to make sure that it’s exactly perfect . . . I can’t be looking a crooked letters on his headstone for the rest of my life!    

Some days it seems like he’s been gone forever . . . and some days it seems like he’s only been gone a few days . . . and I still expect to see him walk through the front door or see his car in front of the house when I come home from work . . . but yet with each forward step I make it’s becoming more and more real to me . . . this isn’t a nightmare that I’m gonna wake up from . . . this is my new normal. 

 

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Filed under grief, PostADay, Prince Charming

Somebody Wake Me Up

My worst nightmare has come true.

Prince Charming is gone.

My world turned upside down by a brief visit from two troopers.

There was a horrible accident. The car was totaled.

That horrible sound was me refusing to digest this new reality.

It doesn’t seem real. I expect to wake up and find him sleeping peacefully next to me.

Instead the snoring I hear is Rocky.

Nothing will ever be okay again.

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Filed under PostADay, Prince Charming

Bittersweet

Monday was the 36th anniversary of my first date with Prince Charming.  Yes, I know it’s amazing that I remembered the date after all the years we spent apart.  But he’s my Prince Charming and I’ve remembered lots of little details about our time together.  What is even more amazing is that Prince Charming ALSO remembered the anniversary!  Okay, so he didn’t remember the EXACT date but he did remember it was sometime in the middle of November.

We had a special romantic dinner and then spent the evening slow dancing in the living room to some very special songs.  It was wonderful!

But before we could have the anniversary celebration . . . we went with his parents to the Big City Hospital so that his dad could have a biopsy on the spot they found on his lung.  The biopsy went as well as could be expected.  The preliminary news was about what we expected.  Not good news but we would learn more details at the follow-up appointment at the end of the week.

It was very strange to be so excited to be spending the entire day with Prince Charming knowing that the first part of the day was going to be so difficult for everyone.  I felt guilty about the plans that we had to celebrate the anniversary and asked Prince Charming if he wanted to delay it a day or so.  He said that wasn’t an option.  It was the first time in 34 years that we were able to celebrate that special day together and it was as important to him as it is to me.  He also said that if we were going to be dealing with a long term illness for his dad, we would need to make as much of our lives as normal as possible.  We need this celebration.

So the news turned out to be as bad as we expected.  We don’t have all the details yet.  There’s still one more follow-up appointment with another specialist to get all the treatment details worked out.  Like Prince Charming said, in the meantime life marches on.  Thanksgiving is around the corner.  Christmas follows close behind.  New Year’s Eve . . . all the things that he and I have been waiting for with such great anticipation.  All of the excitement of all the “firsts” of a new romance . . . are now tainted with the realization that it might also be “lasts” as well.

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Filed under family, In-Laws, PostADay, Prince Charming, Stuff