Tag Archives: Prince Charming

Angels Watching Over Me

It’s been a bit of a rough weekend here . . . my position at the lovely local Catholic School has been eliminated because of low enrollment . . . we don’t have enough kids enrolled for next year to generate the income needed to support the current amount of staff and faculty.  I found out on Friday that my services were no longer needed . . . and Friday was my last day.  I cleaned out my office and started a second round of semi-retirement.

To say that I’m a hot damn mess is an understatement.  I received a generous severance package that includes my two weeks of vacation pay but I haven’t been “let go” from a job in over 30 years and have all kinds of worst case scenarios playing in my head.  Yes, it’s scary and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but it’s okay . . . I know that I’ve got this and can face the new challenges ahead of me. Heck, I faced my worst nightmare and am still standing and I’m pretty sure I can face this.  After all, there’s Rocky and Millie and their undying devotion and dedication to making me smile. I’ve seen several beautiful bright red cardinals in the back yard which is a sign that my guardian angels aren’t far away.

Like I said, I’m a hot damn mess but have managed to keep it together . . . when the boss told me that I was being let go . . . when I opened the front door and saw Rocky’s happy face and started to panic that I had no idea how I was going to support us . . . when I saw the sadness in my Mom’s face as I told her and I saw the sadness in her face when she realized that the job I loved was gone.

But the thing that finally broke me . . . was my silly Echo Dot.  Today, Amazon released a new skill – Christmas Sounds – and I had to try it out.  Because I’m a total dork when it comes to Alexa and all the cool things she can do.  I asked Alexa to play Christmas sounds and since I haven’t enabled the correct skill, Alexa has no idea what I’m talking about . . . so she plays Christmas songs from Amazon Music . . . and the song she chooses to play for me is none other than “O Holy Night” by Bing Crosby.

Yes . . . a Christmas song by Bing Crosby is what reduced me to a puddle of tears . . . because “O Holy Night” was THE song that the junior high choir that Prince Charming and I were in back in the day sang EVERY CHRISTMAS.  We started practicing it when school started in August and sang it practically every day until Christmas.  For three years.  I know every word.  I can still sing my alto part perfectly . . . and this song is the one thing that Prince Charming and I had in common all the years we were apart.  I thought of him and could remember hearing his beautiful bass voice singing his part . . . and he thought of me and could remember hearing my (according to him) lovely alto voice.  When we got back together that first Christmas, it was a joy to be able to sing the song together again every time it was on the radio.  And Bing Crosby was one of Prince Charming’s favorite singers of Christmas songs  . . . to hear our song sung by his favorite singer at a totally random moment in April was a sign that I’m not alone.  He’s watching me and telling me that I can do this . . . I can face this and I’ll be just fine.

Even when I’m not all that convinced of it myself just yet . . .

 

 

 

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So Much For Flying Under The Radar

January 20 is a sucky day for me . . . it’s the anniversary of the day that Prince Charming left this Earth.  I probably shouldn’t focus/obsess over the date but I can’t help it.  It’s the day my life changed forever . . . through no fault of my own and not necessarily in a good way . . .

Last year about Christmas time I realized that January 20 was also Inauguration Day.  The day we got a new president.  A day full of all the pomp and circumstance and ceremony . . . stuff that I normally love.  Yes, I’m a patriotic geek.  I live for this kind of stuff . . . and suddenly I realized that one of my favorite events was going to be happening on my most un-favorite day.

Shitdamnhellfuck . . .

So I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it.  I was able, somehow, to separate the two events and keep them separate . . . as long as I forgot that the date was January 20 . . . it wasn’t easy but I did it.

I got through that day . . . like I’ve gotten through a bunch of other terrible, awful, horrible, very bad days (bonus points if you get the reference in that sentence).  By putting one foot in front of the other.

I was home today because the school I work for is closed for the Martin Luther King holiday (another day that kinda sucks for me because the day Prince Charming left was also Martin Luther King Day) . . . and I heard something that took my breath away . . . something I was totally not expecting or prepared for . . .

“January 20 is the one year anniversary of President Donald Trump’s inauguration.”  Said by one of the hosts of CBS This Morning . . .

Shitdamnhellfuck . . .

Just when I thought that I was going to be able to have that day fly under the radar . . . I got Gibbs slapped (bonus points if you get THAT reference) up side my head . . .

The next few days are gonna suck . . .

On a positive note . . . I’ve also learned that Saturday, January 20 the Cincinnati Zoo is having a first birthday party for media darling Fiona . . . for my favorite hippo . . .

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November 6

Today is Monday . . . I hate Mondays . . .

Especially the Monday after the Fall Time Change . . . the kids at school seem to have more energy and are a little more irritating . . .

It gets dark early . . . the security lights on the garage came on tonight at 5:30 . . . it’s dark enough for security lights at 5:30 pm . . . makes for a very long night . . .

I went to dinner like I always do on Monday night.  Tonight’s dinner choice was a restaurant that is offering me free bagels every day this month.  I feel guilty if I go in just for the free bagel so I bought dinner there tonight.  The soup and salad combo I usually get is very yummy . . . and since it’s on the chilly side here the warm soup was comforting.

All in all, it was an irritating Monday but not a Bad Monday . . .

Then the server behind the counter called the name for the next customer to pick up their order.  The name they called out was the same name as Prince Charming’s name.  My heart skipped a beat and I did a double take to see who would answer to that name.  The guy didn’t look anything like Prince Charming . . . but I did give him a warm smile because he caught me staring at him.

Big Sigh . . . back to my yummy soup and sandwich . . .

I must be making progress because instead of focusing on unexpectedly hearing Prince Charming’s name tugging on my heart strings, I’m excited about the 99 cent cookie and the free bagel

Any Monday with a free bagel can’t be all bad . . .

 

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I Thought I Could Do This

Right after Prince Charming was killed, I wanted to stay in bed, under the covers, and wish the world would go away.  But . . . I had to work to keep a roof over my head, keep the dogs fed, keep the dogs healthy, keep paying the bills and keep up appearances that I was “okay” . . . even if I wasn’t.

The one year anniversary came around and, once again, I wanted to stay in bed, under the covers and wish the world would go away.  But I took a day off instead and did stuff that wouldn’t remind me of him or have me constantly remember the date (I wrote the the date a lot at my old job at the mental health place).  I had to keep up appearances that I was “okay” . . . even if I wasn’t.

The two year anniversary came around and, even though I wanted badly to wish the world away again, I had started a new job just shy of two weeks before the anniversary.  I couldn’t tell my new boss that I needed a day off to stay home with my head under the covers wishing the world away.  My co-worker was facing the loss of her father that particular week and I was “holding down the fort” and keeping up appearances that I was “okay” . . . and thinking that maybe I just might be okay.

Sometime after the two year anniversary I realized that the three year anniversary would be a bigger challenge . . . because the country would be celebrating a new president.  The anniversary date of Prince Charming’s death happens to be Inauguration Day.  Every four years the country will be having a big party on a day that broke my heart.

Over the past few weeks, here are some of the things I’ve heard . . .
On January 20, we will hit the ground running and . . .
When President Obama leaves office on January 20 . . .
Mrs. Trump will not be moving into the White House on January 20 . . .
When Mr. Trump takes office on January 20 . . .
Join us for coverage of the Inauguration on January 20 . . .
When the sentence running through my brain is . . .
Prince Charming, 51, of Springfield, Ohio, left us unexpectedly, Monday, January 20, 2014.
Yup.  You guessed it.  I want to stay in bed, under the covers, and wish the world would go away.  But I can’t.  I have to do my best to show that I’m “okay” . . .
Even when I’m not . . . and I’d really rather not play that game this year . . .

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Let’s Put On Big Girl Panties

I have a sensitivity to pictures of car crashes.  I think that it’s horrible that news websites post these kinds of pictures on their websites and their social media sites.  I’m very vocal about how difficult these pictures are for family members and loved ones of the victims to see.  I’m forever asking some news site or another to consider the feelings of those near and dear to the victims and to take down the picture.  Sadly they never do.

My comments often start interesting discussions with others about how they agree that the pictures are hurtful and serve no purpose.  There are discussions with others who think that I’m too sensitive and should just “not look” at the pictures.

Today was one of those days.  There was a fatal accident in the little town where Prince Charming and I grew up.  The local newspaper posted a picture of the car involved but said they wouldn’t identify the victims pending “notification of the next of kin.”

I posted my usual comment requesting that the picture be taken down.  I explained about Prince Charming’s accident and explained how thankful that the local news agencies where he died did not publish any pictures of his accident.  I asked that these grieving families be given the same consideration.

Let’s just say a discussion ensued . . . some people agreed with me . . . some people did not.  One young lady commented suggested that I “put on big girl panties” . . .

Oh honey you do not want to go down that path with me.  Not after I’ve suffered through the third Christmas without Prince Charming by my side.  Not when the anniversary of Prince Charming’s death is a mere two weeks away.  Oh hell to the no . . .

I wanted to say all of the things that you will read next but I remembered something I read about not arguing with idiots because they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. This is what I wanted to say but didn’t because the person in question is very young, has no life experience, and has no idea what she’s talking about . . .

Dear Young Lady . . .

I put on big girl panties . . . when two troopers came to where I work and told me that the man I loved more than anything else in this world (and had loved for almost 40 years) was dead.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I had to tell his son, his brother, and his mother that he had been killed.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I had to try to explain to our two dogs why Daddy wasn’t ever coming home again.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I had to make arrangements for his funeral . . . and I had no idea what type of service he wanted.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I dealt with the vile, evil, hurtful things that his ex-wife and her daughter thought I “needed to know” about the “perfect man” that had been dead less than 24 hours.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I stood next to his closed casket for three hours while the seemingly never ending line of mourners told me how sorry they were for my loss, how wonderful he had been to them, how sad they were that they would never hear his laugh or see his smile again

I put on big girl panties . . . when I stood at the side of his grave and realized I had to let them put his body in the cold ground.  And I had to walk away and start a new life without him.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I dealt with OSHA, a wrongful death claim, a criminal case against the man that killed him, and settling his estate . . . all at the same time.

I put on big girl panties . . . every day single day that I have to live without him.

In the big scheme of things, a picture on a website probably isn’t that big of a deal.  But to a grieving person it is a huge deal.  It’s a reminder of what you’ve lost.  It’s a reminder of how much your life changed, through no fault of your own, in the blink of an eye.

And, sadly, there are more than a few people who don’t understand that.  They won’t understand that until they go through it themselves.  And we, the grieving, pray daily that nobody ever has to join this club that no one wants to be a part of.

 

 

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January 20, 2017

Is the third anniversary of the day Prince Charming left this Earth.

I’m doing better than I was a year ago looking at the second anniversary . . . certainly better than I was two years ago looking at the first anniversary.

This year the date has another meaning . . .

It’s the day Donald Trump is sworn in as President of the United States.

At some point I knew that this would happen . . . that the country will be celebrating a new beginning while I’m remembering the ending of something beautiful.

Now that the election is over, everyone is talking about Inauguration Day.

I’m not sure I’m ready to hear the date said aloud or ready to read the date in print.

I know that I’ve got this . . . but dang I’m not ready for this . . .

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Regrets . . . I’ve Had A Few

Sometimes I swear Prince Charming is talking to me . . .

I don’t know how I stumbled across this video . . . but it’s speaking directly to my heart.

My dream has always been to be a writer . . .

I think someone is politely telling me that it’s time to “do something about it” or as I would say “shit or get off the pot” . . .

 

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