Getting Chastised for Chastising

Last week, I was chastised for chastising someone for using the “r” word in a public post on Facebook.

A friend from high school posted an article about Sarah Silverman calling for a military coup to oust President Trump from office.  His only description of the article he posted was the following “You went full retard.  Never go full retard.”  Apparently this is a quote from a movie called “Tropic Thunder” . . . a movie that I’ve never seen and I was not familiar with that quote.  My only comment was “You used the word retard.  Never use the word retard.”

After a short discussion with me and another friend who objected to the “r” word, the friend who posted the article apologized for using the offending word, changed his description of the article and removed the posts that discussed the offending word.  I thanked the friend for the changes he made to his post and we parted ways as friends.  At least I think we parted as friends because he and I never had any further discussions about the post.

During the discussion about the offending word, a second (much closer friend) said that I was wrong to post my comments publicly and I should have shared my comments with the posting friend in a private message.  My response that the posting friend made the comments in public and it was proper for me to make my comment in public.  It was no different than if we were sitting somewhere enjoying dinner or drinks and he had used that word.  Again, the closer friend told me that I was being disrespectful and unprofessional.

Well, here’s where things got interesting.  My close friend said that if I had made such a disrespectful comment to him in public, our friendship would have ended.  He went on even more to tell me that I was unprofessional and disrespectful and things would be better served in a private conversation.  I pointed out to close friend that it only took one sentence to show posting friend the error in his ways and he changed the post.  The only one who seems to have a problem with my tactics were him . . . and he didn’t make the post.  After a few more back and forth messages, I told my friend that we would have to agree to disagree on this topic.  It was too close to my heart to act in a “professional manner.”  I’m not a professional FB user, and I don’t think I offended or upset posting friend (I didn’t call him names or use vulgar language).  Everybody that knows me knows that I don’t pull punches with my opinion (especially since Prince Charming’s death – life’s too short for stupid shit) and everyone knows where they stand with me.  Close friend agreed to the “agree to disagree” truce and we ended the conversation.

But now I’m wondering if close friend is really such a close friend after all.  I can’t express myself freely in his presence?  He can’t accept my “bulldog” mentality about things I’m passionate about and allow me to have discussions with others in his presence that he might not agree with?  He is only comfortable with my opinions if I express them in the same matter that he would.

This disturbs me more and more as I think about it.  I am sad at the way the world works these days.

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Well Duh

Last weekend was very cold here in Ohio.  I was in the basement doing laundry and putting away groceries and was amazed at how cold it was in the basement.  Has it always been this cold in the basement?  I don’t remember it being this cold in the basement before.

I have an old outdoor thermometer that I put on Prince Charming’s work bench to find out how cold it is.  The temperature in the basement was about 10 degrees cooler than the rest of the house.  I made sure the door to the basement was open so that some of the heat from the rest of the house could filter to the basement and made a note to myself to keep an eye on the temperature . . . which I completely forgot to do since it got warm again

It might be important to note . . . the basement is not finished.  The floor is concrete and so are the walls.  It’s mainly used for storage, the washer and dryer are down there, the shower, and Prince Charming’s ham radio equipment.  I don’t spend a lot of time in the basement so the temperature in the basement has never concerned me.  Although Prince Charming always bundled up more than normal when he worked in the basement during the winter.

We’re expecting an ice storm here over the weekend.  Like all good Ohioans, I stopped at the store for the necessary items I would need if I were stuck at home for a couple of days in an ice storm . . . dog food (canned and dry), green beans for Millie (yes, I still feed them to her because she still thinks I’m starving her), milk, bread, cheese (because tomorrow is my normal grocery day and I really do need these things).  I was putting the groceries away and some of the things are stored in the basement.  That’s when I figured out why it was so cold in the basement last week.

I should probably tell you that the register for furnace/AC is by the shower.  Which is heavenly because the warm air shoots out at you when you get out of the shower.  It’s not so heavenly in the summer when the cold air of the AC blasts at you when you get out of the shower.  When I was putting away the groceries, the furnace was on . . . and I walked in front of the register and realized that it’s still shut from the summer . . . to keep the cold air from blasting on me when I get out of the shower.

Well, duh . . . if you open the register, the basement might not be 10 degrees colder than the rest of the house . . . .

Yes.  I’m a natural blonde.

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I Thought I Could Do This

Right after Prince Charming was killed, I wanted to stay in bed, under the covers, and wish the world would go away.  But . . . I had to work to keep a roof over my head, keep the dogs fed, keep the dogs healthy, keep paying the bills and keep up appearances that I was “okay” . . . even if I wasn’t.

The one year anniversary came around and, once again, I wanted to stay in bed, under the covers and wish the world would go away.  But I took a day off instead and did stuff that wouldn’t remind me of him or have me constantly remember the date (I wrote the the date a lot at my old job at the mental health place).  I had to keep up appearances that I was “okay” . . . even if I wasn’t.

The two year anniversary came around and, even though I wanted badly to wish the world away again, I had started a new job just shy of two weeks before the anniversary.  I couldn’t tell my new boss that I needed a day off to stay home with my head under the covers wishing the world away.  My co-worker was facing the loss of her father that particular week and I was “holding down the fort” and keeping up appearances that I was “okay” . . . and thinking that maybe I just might be okay.

Sometime after the two year anniversary I realized that the three year anniversary would be a bigger challenge . . . because the country would be celebrating a new president.  The anniversary date of Prince Charming’s death happens to be Inauguration Day.  Every four years the country will be having a big party on a day that broke my heart.

Over the past few weeks, here are some of the things I’ve heard . . .
On January 20, we will hit the ground running and . . .
When President Obama leaves office on January 20 . . .
Mrs. Trump will not be moving into the White House on January 20 . . .
When Mr. Trump takes office on January 20 . . .
Join us for coverage of the Inauguration on January 20 . . .
When the sentence running through my brain is . . .
Prince Charming, 51, of Springfield, Ohio, left us unexpectedly, Monday, January 20, 2014.
Yup.  You guessed it.  I want to stay in bed, under the covers, and wish the world would go away.  But I can’t.  I have to do my best to show that I’m “okay” . . .
Even when I’m not . . . and I’d really rather not play that game this year . . .

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Let’s Put On Big Girl Panties

I have a sensitivity to pictures of car crashes.  I think that it’s horrible that news websites post these kinds of pictures on their websites and their social media sites.  I’m very vocal about how difficult these pictures are for family members and loved ones of the victims to see.  I’m forever asking some news site or another to consider the feelings of those near and dear to the victims and to take down the picture.  Sadly they never do.

My comments often start interesting discussions with others about how they agree that the pictures are hurtful and serve no purpose.  There are discussions with others who think that I’m too sensitive and should just “not look” at the pictures.

Today was one of those days.  There was a fatal accident in the little town where Prince Charming and I grew up.  The local newspaper posted a picture of the car involved but said they wouldn’t identify the victims pending “notification of the next of kin.”

I posted my usual comment requesting that the picture be taken down.  I explained about Prince Charming’s accident and explained how thankful that the local news agencies where he died did not publish any pictures of his accident.  I asked that these grieving families be given the same consideration.

Let’s just say a discussion ensued . . . some people agreed with me . . . some people did not.  One young lady commented suggested that I “put on big girl panties” . . .

Oh honey you do not want to go down that path with me.  Not after I’ve suffered through the third Christmas without Prince Charming by my side.  Not when the anniversary of Prince Charming’s death is a mere two weeks away.  Oh hell to the no . . .

I wanted to say all of the things that you will read next but I remembered something I read about not arguing with idiots because they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. This is what I wanted to say but didn’t because the person in question is very young, has no life experience, and has no idea what she’s talking about . . .

Dear Young Lady . . .

I put on big girl panties . . . when two troopers came to where I work and told me that the man I loved more than anything else in this world (and had loved for almost 40 years) was dead.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I had to tell his son, his brother, and his mother that he had been killed.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I had to try to explain to our two dogs why Daddy wasn’t ever coming home again.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I had to make arrangements for his funeral . . . and I had no idea what type of service he wanted.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I dealt with the vile, evil, hurtful things that his ex-wife and her daughter thought I “needed to know” about the “perfect man” that had been dead less than 24 hours.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I stood next to his closed casket for three hours while the seemingly never ending line of mourners told me how sorry they were for my loss, how wonderful he had been to them, how sad they were that they would never hear his laugh or see his smile again

I put on big girl panties . . . when I stood at the side of his grave and realized I had to let them put his body in the cold ground.  And I had to walk away and start a new life without him.

I put on big girl panties . . . when I dealt with OSHA, a wrongful death claim, a criminal case against the man that killed him, and settling his estate . . . all at the same time.

I put on big girl panties . . . every day single day that I have to live without him.

In the big scheme of things, a picture on a website probably isn’t that big of a deal.  But to a grieving person it is a huge deal.  It’s a reminder of what you’ve lost.  It’s a reminder of how much your life changed, through no fault of your own, in the blink of an eye.

And, sadly, there are more than a few people who don’t understand that.  They won’t understand that until they go through it themselves.  And we, the grieving, pray daily that nobody ever has to join this club that no one wants to be a part of.

 

 

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Random Thoughts

Why does Millie always have to be on a hill when she poos during our walks in the morning?  Makes cleaning up after her a rather delicate balancing act for me.

Dear Neighbor . . . a private alley is just that . . . an alley that people drive down to get from one end of the block to the other.  It’s not a driveway where you can park your car.  I am always amused when I see someone drive through your yard because you are blocking the alley.  And speaking of parking your car in the alley . . . do you have to block the sidewalk?

Millie always races to the end of the privacy fence we pass every day because she’s expecting someone/something to be waiting for her around the corner.

Sometimes I have to go past the house where the lady hollered at Rocky for peeing on her half dead flowers . . . even though it’s cold and winter and the flowers are all dead now, I still have to drag Rocky away from the flower bed because I don’t want her hollering at him again.

Today was trash day . . . the most favorite day of the week for a walk for Millie and Rocky.  They have to stop and smell just about every trash can.  We don’t make much progress on trash day.

I’m off work this week for Christmas break and the dogs are very happy to have me home.  I’m happy to be home with them.  I don’t know who will be sadder when I have to go back to work next week – me or them.

I have had three lunch dates this week.  I had no idea I was so popular!

I had sushi today for lunch.  That noise you hear is Prince Charming laughing because he tried so hard to get me to eat sushi and I always refused.

 

 

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No They Aren’t Spoiled

Y’all know that Rocky and Millie are my life . . .

Even though they were officially XH’s dogs and I was totally against getting them in the first place, I specifically asked for them as part of the divorce settlement . . .

After the divorce, they were there to keep me company and keep me from completely freaking out about living alone for the first time in my life . . .

After I broke my arm, they were always close by to make sure that I wasn’t over doing it and were happy to take naps whenever Mommy needed.

After Prince Charming died, they were the reason I got up out of bed in the morning.  They had to eat, they had to go potty, they needed to go for walks . . . they were always close by to give me doggie hugs and kisses when I didn’t think I could stand my grief for another minute.

I’d be lost without them . . . and I tend to go overboard a bit at Christmas . . .

On Black Friday, the big box Pet Store had a sale and they had doggie beds for half off.  Doggie beds for big doggies are pricey and a half off sale is always a great thing.  So I bought two beds . . . and since I can’t really hide two great big dog beds in The Little House Rocky and Millie got early Christmas presents.  And they LOVED the new doggie beds.

The doggie beds were upstairs in the bedroom . . . and they happily snuggled into them and slept soundly every night.  But in the morning, before I left for work, Rocky would give me his sad pitiful eyes that his snuggly bed wasn’t downstairs for him to guard the house.  So, like the sucker I am, I brought one of the beds downstairs for him during the day.  And then I would drag it back upstairs at bedtime each night.

That got old quick.  That bed is huge and awkward to carry.  The stairs are a bit narrow and steep.  It’s always entertaining to watch me drag that thing up and down the stairs . . . especially if Millie wants to help.  So I got the bright idea to buy two more beds for downstairs . . . but only if they were still on sale.  The big box Pet Store had a Christmas Week sale . . . and the beds were on sale again!!

So tonight I drove to the big box Pet Store that’s 20 minutes away (the local store didn’t have the beds in stock) in the dark and in the rain (I don’t see well in the dark and in the rain and driving is a bit of challenge) to pick up the beds for downstairs.  Yes, I have four beds . . for two dogs . . . so they can be just as comfortable when we are binge watching something on Netflix as they are when we are sleeping.

No, they aren’t spoiled at all . . .

 

 

 

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Well That Didn’t Go As Planned

I really do have good intentions when I do the Post A Day thing.  But life happens.

Going on vacation in October is not a good thing when you work at a school.  Especially when your co-worker goes on a two week vacation after you get back.  It took me until just before Thanksgiving week to get caught up on stuff.  Only to be behind again because of Thanksgiving break.

I’m tired of the election stuff.

I’m excited about the 0-16 Parade that is supposed to happen in Cleveland if the Browns really do go all season without a win.

I’m excited about Christmas . . . shopping, decorating, watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (even though I’m going to cry through the whole thing).

I’m planning my 2017 vacation . . . I’m going to Florida . . . again.  I thought about going to Myrtle Beach but the hotel where Prince Charming and I stayed got bought out last year and the parent company isn’t offering the same deals as before.  The discount is better but only for certain dates.  Ugh.

I guess I have no motivation to write . . . I’m too busy doing life.

 

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