Category Archives: divorce

That’s Why They’re Called Ex-Husbands

I had a small problem with a slow kitchen drain last week . . . I know I can’t fix it myself so I called the Lovely Plumbing Company that’s been so helpful with issues here at The Little House . . .

You know me . . . I always jump to THE WORSE CASE SCENARIO and was CONVINCED it was a broken drain pipe because of the ground freezing during the polar vortex that we had recently . . . even though every other drain was working just fine and the toilet wasn’t stopped up . . . I’m a hot mess . . .

Lovely Plumber arrived . . . listened to my description of the problem . . . assured me it probably WASN’T a broken drain pipe . . . and proceeded to work on the kitchen sink.

A half hour later . . . he was done, I paid the bill, and he was on his way . . .

The problem was . . . the drain pipe had frozen . . . seems that XH didn’t slant the drain pipe when he replace the pipes under the sink oh so many years ago . . . there was just enough stuff stuck in the pipe to have it back up a bit and the water froze around the stuff and caused the drain to be slow.  Another part of the problem was that XH didn’t vent the pipes properly and when the stuff was frozen there was not enough air in the pipe to help the pipe drain properly.  Quick fix is to put in a vent thing that will allow enough air to circulate to keep the drain flowing while keeping the smell away.

Curse, swear, filth, foul . . . many bad words were said after Lovely Plumber left that afternoon . . .

How in the world did XH live with himself knowing that he half-assed an important job like plumbing to the kitchen sink?  Did he truly not know how to do the job or did he not care?  As much as he complained and grumbled about doing the plumbing, wouldn’t you think he’d want to do it right so he wouldn’t ever have to do it again?

Once again, I’m worried about every home improvement and home repair job that he ever did . . . wondering when it’s going to fall to shit . . .

And I wonder why I have such problems with anxiety . . .

 

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Things I Learned This Week

That grief is grief is grief. Those who tell you it gets better with time are liars.

That no matter how you think you’re prepared for Ohio winter you’re never prepared for an Ohio winter.

That worry is a total waste of time. Whatever the worst case scenario is, your worry won’t help fix it and when it’s not the worst case scenario you’ve wasted all that time for nothing.

That family drama is actually entertaining when it doesn’t involve you.

And finally – there’s a reason why they’re called ex-husbands

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Every. Stinking. Year.

I’ve known my ex-hubby since 1982 . . .

We dated for 2 years . . .

Were married for 26 years . . .

We’ve been divorced for 8 . . .

and every year since we’ve been divorced he asks me for my parent’s address . . .

so he can send a Christmas card . . .

Mom sends him (and his new wife!) birthday cards every year . . . and Christmas cards!!  (She knows that my marriage was awful but she still thinks of him as “family” because he’s been around for so many years.  It speaks more of her character than it does of his. And that’s a story for another day.)

And because it’s easier to tell him the address than to get into why he should know it by now . . . and because I know Mom would be hurt if she didn’t get a card from him . . .  I give him the address . . .

But yet I always ask myself “how can he NOT know her address?!”

 

 

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Wild Friday Night

Single girl life is sssoooo exciting . . .

I spent an hour and a half on the phone with Chase Bank and my local police department . . . filing a claim for identity theft . . .

Apparently someone in Florida opened an account and managed to scam Chase out of $500 before they realized the check they used to open the account was fake . . .

The best part is . . . the goofy crooks used my former married name to open the account!!

“No, officer, I haven’t used that name in over 8 years.  Yes, I have the paperwork to prove it.”

 

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There’s A Reason They’re Called Ex-Husbands

I figure as long as I’m getting stuff off my chest, I ought to get something off my chest about the XH . . .

Our divorce was civil . . . mainly because I chose for it to be so. Once the divorce papers were signed, I rarely heard from him . . . usually when he needed or wanted something from me . . . and me being the silly goose that I am, would do be nice because I thought that “down the road” he would do the same for me.

It was never anything serious or important . . . usually dropping off mail that got delivered to me by mistake. Forwarding phone messages for him that came in on the house phone. Notarizing something or the other for him or a friend of his. I wouldn’t drop everything and run the minute he asked but I would find a convenient time to complete the task. Again, thinking that someday the favor would be returned to me.

Fast forward three years . . . to the day Prince Charming died . . . I had gone to the little town where Prince Charming and I grew up to tell the families the bad news. At one point, I realized that I needed/wanted to get home . . . to feed the doggies and to get away from everyone and try to make some sense of what had happened. My mom (bless her heart) didn’t want me to leave and said that maybe XH would go let the dogs out and feed them supper (both dogs were “his” dogs but I got them in the divorce – long story for another day!). In my heart, I hoped that he would agree to do this favor for me but, in my head, I knew that he probably wouldn’t. After all it was Monday night and he was at the bowling alley and, well, nothing interrupts bowling night!

I was right . . . XH couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t want to go let the dogs out. He was at the bowling alley. And he didn’t have a key to the house anymore. It was almost as painful to watch my mother’s heart break when he told her “no” as it was to tell her about Prince Charming’s accident.

A couple of weeks later, I had an opportunity to talk to XH . . . he needed me to notarize something (and yes, I agreed to do it only to ask him about the house key) and I told him he DID still have a key to my house because I still had a key to HIS house (which his current wife was totally surprised to learn). When he discovered that, in fact, he DID still have a key to The Little House . . . the look on his face was priceless . . . and the look on mine was complete and utter disgust . . .

What I wanted to say . . . but didn’t . . . and probably never will is this . . . I stood by your for 28 years. I dealt with a vindictive ex-wife and two step-children who saw us as their personal ATM. I tried to tell you that following your “dream” of “retiring” to build your own small business would bankrupt us (it did). I worked two jobs, took care of our house, and helped take care of MIL and her house to help make that dream come true. I helped you take care of both your parents when they were sick. I gave up more vacation, sick, personal time that I can ever count to take MIL to various doctors appointments; sit in hospital waiting rooms for tests, procedures, and surgeries over the 13 years she was sick and most of the time was there ALONE and most of the time they thought I was the daughter not the daughter-in-law. I stood by your side while you buried both your parents. Hell, I was the one that had to tell him his mother had passed away . . . and he couldn’t be bothered to do one little favor for me on the absolute worst day of my life.

There’s a song titled “Someone That I Used To Know” and that’s exactly how I felt that day . . .

He’s never mentioned Prince Charming’s death. He’s never texted or checked on me to see how I’m doing. Except for the one time he needed me to notarize something and one time he had a question about our past bankruptcy, I haven’t heard a peep out of him. He’s one of those people who is going to disappear out of my life until he things everything is “back to normal” . . .

What he doesn’t realize is that nothing will ever be “back to normal” . . . especially the person he thought he used to know . . . and this new person has no desire to ever know anything about him . . .

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How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Prince Charming took me on a trip.  It was my birthday gift.  He did the planning.  He did the research.  He made the reservations.

All I had to do was pack!

He took me to Cleveland!  Cleveland?  Yes, Cleveland!

 

We visited the “A Christmas Story House”.

Anyone who knows and loves Ralphie knows this house!

 

We went to the beach . . .

okay, it wasn’t Florida or Myrtle Beach but it had waves, it had sun, it had sand . . . it was perfect!

 

We went to the Lighthouse in Fairport Harbor.

Yes, I walked at 69 steps to the top . . .

This is the view from the top!

See that red car?  That’s the Dogmobile.  I almost didn’t recognize it.

And you can’t go to Cleveland without going to the Rock Hall of Fame.

The Rock Hall was too cool for words . . .

 

We ate at fun places!

“The Dude Abides” at Melt Bar and Grilled.

 

Chicken Paprikash at Sterle’s Country House

It was three days away from work, away from the daily stress that was threatening to choke me . . . just me and Prince Charming (the doggies went to Puppy Camp for three days) . . . and it was heaven.

It was the best birthday present ever!

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He Said, She Said

I’ve always said there are three sides to any story . . . or divorce.

There’s his side.

There’s her side.

And somewhere in the middle is what really happened.

In the beginning, I only heard Prince Charming’s side of the story.  How unhappy he was.  How lonely he was even with another person living in the house with him.  How any attempt at “fixing” the problems were met with either denial or resistance.  One person dominating the relationship and the other person doing everything they could to “keep peace.”  It seemed like Prince Charming’s marriage to The Queen is very similar to my marriage to XH.  Because I had been in that boat myself, I understood why it fell apart, what he went through during the marriage, and what he’s going through now in the divorce process.  But, like I said, there is more than one side to the story and I wondered could it really be that bad.

I believed Prince Charming but I still wanted to give The Queen the benefit of the doubt.

Then I had a chance to meet some of Prince Charming’s friends.  Some of his long-time friends.  Friends from high school.  Friends from the little town in Southern Ohio where he lived for 10 years before he moved to Virginia.  They told me that over the years, he had gotten more quiet and subdued.  They told me he seems much happier these days.  They’ve told me a little about some of the things they saw between Prince Charming and The Queen that made them wonder about the stability of the relationship.  The stories they told me were very similar to the stories that Prince Charming told me.  Their stories made me sad.

But, still, I wanted to give The Queen the benefit of the doubt.

Then when Prince Charming’s Dad passed away, I got to spend time with a lot of his extended family – cousins, aunts, uncles.  During the time they were here, I heard bits and pieces of the background story of Prince Charming’s marriage to The Queen.  More pieces to the puzzle started to fall into place.  It wasn’t a very pretty picture.  It was shaping up to be a very sad story.  My heart was starting to ache for him.

I was beginning to doubt that The Queen deserved the benefit of the doubt I had been giving her.

Then I had an opportunity to hear a conversation between Prince Charming and The Queen and the picture became crystal clear.  It was as bad as he told me.  It was probably worse!  The stories and the bits and pieces of information finally made sense.  She wants what she wants when she wants it and doesn’t care what how it inconveniences anyone.  It’s her way or no way . . . and any compromise is completely out of the question.  There was no warmth, no caring, no desire to understand anything but her point of view.

The cold authoritarian tone of her voice chilled me to the bone.  Her condescending attitude toward Prince Charming made me sad.  Her complete disregard for his feelings (or anyone’s feelings) made me angry.

It was sad to think that these two people had at one time loved each other enough to be married . . . and now they are complete strangers to each other.

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