Today is Father’s Day . . .
My first Father’s Day without my Dad . . .
My third Father’s Day without Prince Charming . . .
For the first time in my life, I have no reason to celebrate today. No one to buy a card for. No one to buy presents for. I sent a donation to Hospice in Dad’s name but it’s not the same as shopping for a present for him.
I stopped by the Big City Cemetery yesterday and left a USMC challenge coin for Dad. I went to the Little Town Cemetery and had a beer with Prince Charming . . . and a Coke with Prince Charming’s Dad.
I went to dinner today with Older Sister, Her Hubby, and Mom to Dad’s favorite restaurant. Older Sister and I had Meatloaf . . . and we all had Bread Pudding . . . in honor of Dad.
It wasn’t the same. For the first time in many years I wasn’t making a meatloaf or bread pudding for Dad . . .
Fifteen years ago, I watched as then-Hubby struggled with what to do on the first Father’s Day after his Dad passed away. I told him how sorry I was that he didn’t get to share that day with his Dad anymore and he could do whatever he wanted on that day to honor his Dad. He decided to go fishing because that’s what they always did. I had no idea how to help him with his pain.
Four years ago, I watched as Prince Charming struggled with his feelings on the First Father’s Day after his Dad passed away. Again, I told him how sorry I was that he didn’t get to share that day with his Dad and told him he could do whatever he wanted that day to honor his Dad. He decided to go with me to visit my Dad because his Dad taught him that family was the most important thing. I was deeply touched by the gesture but still had no idea how to help him with his pain.
Here I am today, a little more than two years after we got the news that the “end was near” for Dad and his fight with kidney disease . . . and after having two “extra” Father’s Day’s with Dad . . . and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do today. I did some yard work. I took down a couple of things in the garage that I’ve always hated and wanted to get rid of. I went to dinner with the family. It was an okay day with some tears and some laughter . . . but there’s a big hole in the day . . . something is missing . . .
I have no idea to help myself with the pain.
Deja Freaking Vu all over again . . .