I’m having a hard time right now dealing with stuff . . . the two year anniversary of Prince Charming’s death was harder to face than the one year anniversary. I’m struggling with the fact that he’s not here . . . I lived so many years without him that I already know how dull, boring, empty, bleak my new life can be.
I have a new job that I love, I am blessed that the bills are paid each month and I have a little left over each month for “extras,” the dogs are healthy, I’m healthy, I have a wonderful support system that helps me through the rough spots . . . I’m feeling a little guilty about being happy about things . . .
But something is missing and that something is Prince Charming . . . and I’m struggling with that fact . . .
It could also be the winter blahs have set in . . . I’m tired of cold dreary weather and I’m ready for spring . . .
And then I found this . . .
You can disappear in the overwhelming grief, be resentful of the path you must walk, or you can choose to see all that is good.
I don’t remember where I found it or when . . . I found it when I was working on my budget for next month . . . but it’s exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it . . .
I just hope I can remember it the path gets a little rough . . .
Sometimes my brain works in mysterious ways . . .
I’ve had this song stuck in my head for a couple of days. I couldn’t remember much about it except it was on one of the Glee soundtracks that I have (okay, yea, judge me). It took me a couple of days to find it. Yea, I know . . . I’m a little OCD sometimes.
Anyway . . . I don’t remember if this song came out about the time that Prince Charming and I started the long distance romance thing or not but I remember that this song summed up our beginning pretty well. I didn’t know much about him or his life and he didn’t know anything about my past (we had been apart for over 30 years at this point). When he first came back into my life, I was ending a 26 year marriage and I had no idea what I was going to do with my future. I was thrilled to have him in my life as a friend . . . but he wanted more. I wanted more, too, but I was scared. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to start a romance with anyone . . . much less someone who was 500 miles away. But one day he said something that closely resembled the line “But, what do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there’s solid ground below, or a hand to hold, or hell to pay. What do you say?”
How could I resist logic like that? Especially when he sang to me? Dang if he didn’t know that his singing could always melt away any doubts I had about anything.
So I agreed to take a chance . . . and even if it didn’t turn out the way either of us had hoped or planned . . . I am thankful for every moment we had.
My apologies to the movie with the same name . . .
I took Rocky to the vet on Saturday for his annual wellness check. Usual stuff – shots, heartworm test, physical exam, check his poo sample for parasites.
While I was there, I talked to our lovely vet about Rocky’s weight. It seems to me that he’s been losing weight and he seems to be a bit on the thin side to me. And I’m worried that there might be something wrong with him . . . he seems fine . . . his activity level is fine, his appetite is fine, he acts like he always has but sometimes he just seems a bit “off” and it worries me. Okay, I’m paranoid and over-reacting because I didn’t notice Fluff was sick until it was too late to do anything to help him.
Lovely Vet explained that Rocky’s weight is fine for him. He weighed over 90 lbs four years ago and he’s steadily losing weight as part of a program (reduce the amount of food and increase his activity). Since he and Millie have lost the weight, they are more active, which helps them keep the weight off and lose additional weight. He assured me that Rocky was fine but ordered some blood work just to be sure.
That was Saturday morning and I’ve been a mess ever since. I’m convinced “something” is wrong with Rocky and it’s going to be horribly serious and I have to face it alone and . . . and . . . and . . . you name the horrible scenario and I’ve imagined it.
Lovely Vet promised he would call me on Monday morning to let me know the results. Bless his heart, that’s exactly what he did. And the news was wonderful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of Rocky’s test results. I can increase food a little bit as long as he continues to be active and I can take him back in two months for a weight check. Lovely Vet assured me that Rocky is a very healthy “middle aged” dog and that I’m taking very good care of him.
After spending the weekend convinced I was a horrible dog mother, it’s nice to have someone “in charge” tell me I’m doing something right.