this post probably makes absolutely no sense at all

Everyone asks how I’m doing . . . and my response is “I’m upright and functioning” or “I’m putting one foot in front of the other.”    My favorite is “I’m not brave enough to wear mascara yet.”

And I’m trying to remember to “breathe in through the nose and breathe out through the mouth”

I always used to think it was hilarious when someone said they had “forgotten” to eat that day.  I love food and I always wondered how do you “forget” to eat . . . yea, I understand that concept now.  It’s funny/comforting how many people ask me in a day if I’ve eaten anything today.  Guess that sudden 5 lb weight loss is just a tad noticeable!

I have an ever growing list of things to be done for the estate – get the death certificate, get the crash report, open probate, start the wrongful death claim, close the bank accounts, deal with the Bureau of Workers Comp.  I am very thankful that I have two wonderfully competent lawyers helping me deal with the very complicated convoluted mess my life has become. 

There are so many people who are worried about me – friends, family, my co-workers, Prince Charming’s co-workers.  I have at least one therapy session a day from one of the therapists or one of the doctors that I work with.  Heck, even the drug reps are stopping by just to check on me. 

I’m going out and about and doing things – I went shopping with my sisters on Saturday and I had my first solo date night last night.  Somethings are very easy to get through and other things are horrendously hard. 

I shake my head is disbelief at some of the seemingly innocent but horribly hurtful things that people say when they don’t know what to say.  “You’re still young.  You’ll fall in love again.”  Really?!  You’re gonna go there?  Prince Charming has been gone two weeks and this is what you think will comfort me?!  Or “he’s in a better place” . . . now I’m gonna call bullshit on that one because Prince Charming and I thought that we had Heaven here on Earth.  What is wrong with here?  When he was here, we were together and it was wonderful.  Now he’s gone and it’s not wonderful anymore. 

I cry at the completely unexpected kindnesses that have been shown to me – a friend of mine paid the fee for boarding the dogs when I went to stay with my Mom and Dad.  Another friend felt sorry for me getting packages from the ambulance chasing blood sucking lawyers and sent me a “Southern Comfort” care package – no alcohol involved! – a lovely lap quilt for me to snuggle up in on the couch, a few Keurig “pods” of my favorite Southern Sweet Tea, a cross stitch kit for me to work on, and a cow figurine because I like cows . . . The random card from someone I went to high school with but haven’t seen in years . . .

The dogs are fine . . . or at least I think they are.  They won’t hardly leave my side when I’m home.  Rocky sits at the top of the stairs every night waiting for Prince Charming to come home.  In the morning when we get up, the go to his side of the bed to see if he snuck in during the night or run downstairs to see if he’s in “his” chair at the kitchen table. 

Overall, I’m adjusting to my new reality and I’m thankful for so many things begging for my attention . . . otherwise I’d be a lump on the couch watching reality tv all night.


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