Monthly Archives: February 2011

Hold Me Now

This has been a rough week for me.  All my friends who have lived through a divorce have told me that the first year after a divorce is a lot like the first year after a death in the family.  Full of milestones and special days that you will have to navigate like a minefield.  One of those special days was this week.  ExHubby’s birthday was Tuesday.  For the first time in 28 years, that day went by without a birthday cake, a birthday dinner, without me shopping for just the right present.

It was weird to say the least.

I saw ExHubby on Monday and gave him a card and a single cupcake.  He had said that he didn’t want a fuss – that he wanted the birthday to go by unnoticed – but it seemed odd not to acknowledge a day that I’ve spent years celebrating with him. 

So all week I’ve been a little meloncholy about it.  The divorce.  His birthday.  How life changed in the blink of an eye . . . with him uttering one simple sentence just one too many times.  Yes, I know it was my decision to end the marriage but it doesn’t make it any less painful.  All the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” that goes along with living every day with the changes caused by the divorce sometimes is a heavy burden. 

Most of the time, I do okay with all of that.  The marriage had ended long before I asked for the divorce.  My asking for the divorce was the kindest thing I could have done for both of us.  At least we don’t hate each other.   Well, I don’t hate him . . . I can’t necessarily say that he doesn’t hate me.  Lately he’s been civil with me . . . and I wonder where was this side of his personality the last few years of our marriage? 

So all of that caught up with me today.  With one song from 1984 playing on the radio.  The wall I had built to protect myself from all the angst came crumbling down.  With one song.  I fell apart.  It was the first time I really fell apart over the divorce.  My bestest friend told me that it was all part of the process.  It was finally time for me to deal with all the emotions that I’ve shoved in the background. 

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?

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That Darn Groundhog

I think he lied. 

It’s gonna snow . . . again . . . but first we will have rain!  I finally got the ice off the deck from the previous ice storm and now this!

The change in the weather is making my wrist hurt . . . and from what I understand I may always be able to tell the changing weather this way.  Oh joy!

Personally I think we need to go find that stupid groundhog and kick his ass for lying to us!

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That Darn Groundhog

I think he lied. 

It’s gonna snow . . . again . . . but first we will have rain!  I finally got the ice off the deck from the previous ice storm and now this!

The change in the weather is making my wrist hurt . . . and from what I understand I may always be able to tell the changing weather this way.  Oh joy!

Personally I think we need to go find that stupid groundhog and kick his ass for lying to us!

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Seriously?!

I hate zumba. I despise every minute of it. I look at the clock and pray for it to move faster so I can get out of there. I’m not coordinated and I can’t get my feet to move like they’re supposed to. Let’s not even talk about getting my arms to do what they’re supposed to when they’re supposed to do it. I can’t find any yoga pants that look good on me. The ones that do look good one me are 6 inches too long and who wants to hem yoga pants?! After class I have aches and pains in places that I didn’t even know existed. Like today, my hips hurt . . . not the bones but the muscles on my hip. What the heck?! Seriously?! I am sooo out of shape . . .

So can somebody explain to me why I’m thinking about signing up for the next session?

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February Thaw

The temps here have been in the mid to upper 50’s.

The snow has melted!  Yay!  No more dangerous sidewalks!

The mud is back!  Boo!  I spend lots of time wiping off doggie feet and cleaning the mud room floor.  The dogs don’t like it.  It’s rough on my back to be bent over so much.  However, there is a positive aspect to this . . . I’m using my left wrist more . . . that’s gotta be a bonus, right?

It’s still light when I get home at night so Rocky and Millie are taking me for walks around the neighborhood.  More work for my left wrist . . . whoo hoo!  Heck, with their help I may be able to stop my physical therapy sooner than I thought.

But it’s February in Ohio . . . I know the cold and snow are just around the corner.  I’m gonna enjoy this while it lasts!

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Paranoid Much?

Okay, so yesterday the Dog Mobile started making a funny noise whenever I turned right.  Now that I’m single, one of my biggest fears is something happening to my car and me having to deal with mechanics on my own.  Always before when there was a problem with my car, I would tell Hubby and he would take care of it.  If he couldn’t fix it himself, he dealt with the guys at the garage that would fix it. 

I could call ExHubby and ask him about the problem, but that would mean that I can’t solve the problem myself and well that’s not really an image I want to present to him.  So I asked a guy friend whose opinion I trust about the noise and he told me that it didn’t sound serious and since it just started and didn’t happen all the time, I should give it a couple of days to see if it gets worse.  

Hmm, okay, probably good advice, but I’m paranoid.  I’ll admit it.  What if I ignore it and it gets really serious and it would have been less serious if I got it taken care of sooner?  What if the suspension is going bad and the front tire falls off while I’m driving?  What if??  What if??  What if??  He laughed and said that I should have it looked at if it would make me feel better.  Bless his heart.  He knows me so well!

So first thing this morning, I got up and took the car to the garage . . . and explained the problem . . . they said they’d look at it and call me when they had some answers. 

Yea, uh, I should have listened to my friend . . . he was right . . . he’s always right . . . there’s nothing wrong with the suspension . . . they couldn’t hear the noise that I was hearing . . . I will need new tires before too long but that’s about the only thing wrong . . .

And the best part . . . they didn’t charge me anything for being a silly paranoid girl . . . and my friend didn’t laugh at me . . . much . . .

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Dear Readers

I had a lovely blog entry ready to post about a letter to God asking him to stop the snow machine and crank up the heat coz it’s really REALLY cold here and I’m sick of winter and I’m terrified of falling on the snow and ice . . .

But there was a glitch and it didn’t get saved so it’s in the ether somewhere!

I can’t remember all of it but it was hilarious!  Guess I’ll have to try this again later. 

grrr, growl, filth, foul, swear, curse

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Aaarrggghhh

Almost every single utitlity company that I’ve had to deal with since the divorce has messed up when it comes to setting up an account for me in my own name . . .

Bad information about budget payments and payments applied to the wrong account are my biggest problems right now.  I would understand if I moved to a new house, but I’m in the same house I’ve lived in for 20 years.  I’m the one that’s been writing the checks all those years.  The only change is that HE doesn’t live here anymore.  Take HIS name off the account and put MY name on . . . sounds simple huh?  Well, it’s not.  I’ve heard “I’m sorry, I don’t know why he/she would have told you that” and “Our system won’t allow us to do it that way” more times than I care to think about.

The never ending list of things to do just gets longer and longer each time I have to deal with a utility company.  The fuse on my temper gets shorter and shorter each time I open a utility bill. 

The one utility company that said “No problem” and meant it . . . my local water department. 

Maybe they need to teach customer service skills to the other utility companies . . .

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Little Things

Stuff stuck in my head . . .

I went to work yesterday.  As much as I love Rocky and Millie, it was nice to have actual conversations with another human being.  

I hate ice.  I hate walking on ice.  I hate driving on ice.  I know that hate is a strong word and I shouldn’t use it . . . and that ice is probably getting a bad rap but I don’t care . . . ice has seriously messed up my life this winter.

I’m starting to get bills relating to my broken arm and the surgery . . . hence the comment above . . . not only have I endured the pain of the fall, the surgery, the broken arm . . . now I’m enduring pain of my checkbook . . . I’m gonna be broke forever thanks to my stupid health insurance plan!

The arm is coming along just fine.  I’m finally able to lift a 12 pack of pop, turn a doorknob, lift a dinner plate, put my hand in the back pocket of my jeans.  I’ve still got a lot of work to do, but considering where I was a few weeks ago I’m impressed.  But I’m still amazed at how bad the arm got in such a short period of time.

We have more snow on the way.  I thought the groundhog didn’t see his shadow?!

Is it spring yet?

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Snow Day, Day 2

Woke up yesterday to a lovely icy scene.  Freezing rain, sleet, whatever.  The dogmobile looked like an icebert.  Didn’t look like much traffic had gone up my street and considering there’s a nice size hill at the end of the street, I wasn’t surprised . . .

I watched the news to see what the other roads looked like and what businesses in Smalltown were closed . . . and declared a Snow Day for Pammie!  I surely didn’t want it to suddenly become Snow/Ice 3 – Pammie 0!

Nobody at work was surprised that I was staying home . . . they didn’t want Snow/Ice 3 – Pammie 0 either!

Rocky and Millie were happy to have Mommy home for the day.  They weren’t too happy about the slick stuff on the deck.  I did feel a little sorry for them and put some sand down for them.  I haven’t been able to find any ice melt stuff that wouldn’t hurt the deck . . . 

It was lovely . . . I napped, I watched TV, I played on the computer, I knitted.  After watching my soap, I went out and chipped the ice off my car.  Okay, I got the door open and turned on the ignition . . . the heater did all the work. 

It was nice, but considering I spent a couple of weeks doing nothing when I broke my arm I got bored pretty quick!

Then Round 2 hit . . . more ice on the way and now snow to follow!  My county is at a Level 2 snow emergency.  That means the roads are hazardous and it’s recommended that you don’t go out if you don’t have to.  Didn’t take much to convince me to stay home another day!

I don’t want to deal with chipping open the car door again.  I had to yank on the back door to get it open so the dogs could go out.  I’m hearing the wind and I’m praying that I don’t lose power . . . since the divorce I’m a little unprepared for this . . . no kerosene heater . . . no battery operated radio.  Hmmm, perhaps I should have added that to my list when I was shopping for storm supplies on Sunday . . .

I don’t normally complain about winter weather . . . because I know the trade off is the wonderfully warm weather in the summer . . . but this time I’m calling “no mas” and begging for spring. 

Please Phil . . . tell me it’s 6 weeks til spring!

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