Knock Me Over With A Feather

Ever since Hubby/Ex moved out in October, I’ve been surprised at the instant coldness in his demeanor towards me.  One minute he’s standing in front of me professing his ever dying love and begging for a chance to fix the problems and put our marriage back together.  The next minute he’s acting like I’m someone he barely knows and can hardly bring himself to have a conversation with.  I’ve been surprised at the speed at which he created a new life for himself. A house full of new furniture and even a new doggie less than a month after he left. 

I know that I asked for the separation, that I wanted the divorce and I asked for everything to be done before the end of the year.  I knew for a long time that I was unhappy and that the marriage wasn’t working.  Perhaps he knew it, too, and was just as prepared as I was for the end.  

Even though we were separated and getting a divorce, I still loved him.  Now that the divorce is final, I still love him.  I just can’t be married to him anymore.  I met him when I was 18.  We got married shortly before my 21st birthday.  We spent 28 years together – my entire adult life has been wrapped around that man.  It’s gonna take a little while for me to put the end of the relationship into perspective and to completely move on with my life. 

 With the speed that he was moving on with his life, everybody tried to warn me about the inevitable day when he would find a new love.  I laughed at the warnings because I thought I had plenty of time before I had to worry about that.  I was sure that his heart was as broken as mine over the end of the marriage and that it would be a while before I had to face The New Girlfriend issue.

 Imagine my surprise when the very issue I was sure was far down the road suddenly became reality.  I learned yesterday that he has A New Girlfriend.  Imagine my surprise when I learned that New Girlfriend is Ex Wife #1 – the very woman that he professed undying hatred for over the last 28 years.  Imagine my surprise to learn about it by seeing a photo on Facebook.  The step-kids knew about it but yet “didn’t want to get in the middle” by telling me this latest development. 

 I’ve been told that it “just happened” and that “we’re divorced now, remember” but the news still took my breath away.  Four days after the divorce?  There are still a hundred million questions that I want to ask . . . and a hundred million answers that I’ll never get. 

 I’m stunned.  I’m speechless.  I never expected this to hurt so bad.

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