Monthly Archives: October 2009
Yep, that’d be me. Eating a big plate of crow.
I am happy to admit that I was wrong about Princess. I thought it was going to be a bunch of drama when she moved back to Smalltown. I didn’t think she was serious about getting her life on the right track. I thought she was going to be mooching off me and Hubby. I thought she would end up living with us.
I was wrong. I was wrong. I was wrong. And I’m sorry I misjudged her.
She did spend a couple of months with Jr and Girlfriend until she got a place of her own. But she carried her weight over there. Helping out around the house. Getting a couple of jobs to help contribute to the food bill and other household expenses.
She has a nice place for her and the grandkids. She’s still working a couple of jobs in the field that she’s been trained for . . . she has a special knack for health care. She’s even been helping Hubby get MIL’s house ready for auction. All we need to do is ask and she’s right there . . . and she usually brings one or two of the grandkids with her. It’s like we have our very own work crew.
I’ve told her how proud I am of her. How well I think she’s adapted to being back home. She’s told me that she’s glad that she came back home when she did. She got to spend some time with MIL before she passed away. Princess told me that she was happy that MIL got to see her and spend some time with the grandkids before she passed away. Princess has a background in home health care and her specialty is seniors with dementia issues. Her experience was a god-send to Hubby and me.
Princess even hosted her first family dinner yesterday. It was for Jr’s birthday. She cooked meatloaf and mashed potatoes. All I had to do was bring the cake and ice cream . . . she did all the work and the grandkids did the dishes. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought it was my birthday.
The Princess that I’ve known and loved for over 25 years is back. And I’m so very happy . . . .
All names have been changed . . . for obvious reasons . . .
One of my best girlfriends is someone I’ve known since 7th grade (no need to do the math – that’s about 35 years). She still lives in the little town where we grew up and is very active in the school district where we went to school. For the last 20 some years, I’ve seen her at various school functions (my nieces & nephews are in that school district) and out and about in town. Every time I see her, it’s like time stands still and we’re back in high school, but this time we’re talking about kids, jobs, husbands . . . we were still close but not day-to-day close like we were in high school. I was cool with that.
That all changed a few weeks ago. In the midst of all the drama with MIL’s last illness, I went from hearing from her a few times a year to talking almost every day. If it weren’t for the drama in my own life right now, I might be better prepared to deal with the latest developments.
For the sake of this story, I’ll call my frend Chessie.
Chessie has been in love with High School Sweetheart for almost 30 years. Unfortunately, the romance between Chessie and High School Sweetheart didn’t quite work out. There was a lot of unfinished business between Chessie and High School Sweetheart. He joined the service and went to see the world. She searched for him but was never able to find him. He never came back home to look for her. Chessie married Husband #1 and had two beautiful daughters. Marriage #1 didn’t work out and they divorced when the girls were still in elementary school. About 7 years ago, Chessie married Husband #2. Seemed like a nice man. Loved the girls. Worked hard. Treated Chessie like a queen. From the outside, they looked happy and I never heard her complain.
About a month ago, Chessie got a message from High School Sweetheart through F @(e B** K Seemingly innocent request to say hi and catch up on what’s going on in her life now. That seemingly innocent request has turned into a full blown internet romance. Complete with plans for Chessie to take a trip to visit High School Sweetheart to pick up where they left off some 28 years ago. If things go well, she’s thinking of moving to where he is sometime after the first of the year.
I’m all for happy endings, but this story disturbs me on a whole bunch of levels . . .
1. She’s MARRIED!!.
2. Her youngest daughter still has a year or so left of high school. If Chessie moves to Where He Is, then Oldest Daughter will move into Family Home to take care of Youngest Daughter until graduation.
3. The only thing Chessie knows about High School Sweetheart is what he’s told her. They’ve been apart for 28 years and a lot can happen in 28 years. The person you were THEN isn’t necessarily the person you are NOW. There’s no guarantee that what he’s telling her is The Truth . . .
4. Chessie has told me that what happens during her Thanksgiving Visit will determine how she handles her marriage . . .
Chessie keeps asking for my opinion and I keep telling her that she’s moving too fast, that she really needs to clean up her present situation with Hubby #2 before she plans a future with High School Sweetheart, and she needs to be very very careful about jumping into thing with both feet and with her eyes closed. I hate to be a wet blanket, but I really don’t see a happy ending for her with this guy. He got spooked and walked away once, what’s to say he won’t do it again? I sound like a broken record and she’s not listening. She’s moving full speed ahead with her plans to capture her happily ever after.
It’s like watching a train wreck. I know what’s going to happen but I can’t do anything to stop it. And I’ll be the one that’s here to help put her back together again when it all blows up in her face. And it all started with a Friend Request from some stupid website . . .
But if I’m wrong . . . she gets her Happily Ever After . . . after 28 years . . .
You have no idea how badly I want to be wrong . . .
I’m here. I’m fine – tired, but overall fine. I still have my "moments" where everything overwhelms me and I have a small pity party for me and Hubby.
We’re getting MIL’s house ready for auction. Gathering up her things and trying to decide if we want to keep some stuff or sell it. How do you decide to sell stuff that was part of MIL’s life . . . I’ve bought out all the 20 gallon containers at the local dollar stores. How could one little lady gather up so much stuff?
Hubby’s patience is non-existant these days. He thinks the estate process should be moving along faster. He doesn’t understand why he’s getting the third degree from everyone he’s talked to about MIL’s utilities, credit cards, mortgage. Almost everyone is requesting a copy of the death certificate. Which we don’t have yet . . .
The poor doggies schedule is completely screwed up. I’m hoping that things calm down soon so we can get back to their schedule. I really miss our nightly walks.
Since I took a week off for the funeral, my sense of time is completely screwed up . I can’t believe it’s the 20th of October already. I have to buy Halloween candy this weekend. It’s Jr’s birthday on Sunday.
My house is a cluttered mess. There’s always something that Hubby drags home from MIL’s house. Something important that he can’t bear to pack away or sell. I have no idea where we’re going to put this stuff.
Saw a commercial for "It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". It’s going to be on next Tuesday.
We get up every day, put one foot in front of the other and get through the day. Most of the time, each new day is easier than the day before. But then something small will set me back a step or two. Let’s just say I’m grateful for the many boxes of tissues that MIL insisted she have at all times. I’m getting lots of use out of those tissues. Yes, I hear her voice every day telling me, "I told you they would come in handy!"
A whole week has gone by. Wow, is that possible?! It’s been a rough week. There are whole stretches of time when I’m fine . . . then there are moments when I’m a mess. When she would be twanging on my last nerve, Hubby woud tell me that I’d miss her when she was gone. Boy was he right.
I went back to work yesterday. Mainly because I could tell that I was getting on Hubby’s nerves and he was getting on mine. We’d been together 24/7 since The Phone Call last week. Yes, I believe there can be such a thing as too much togetherness.
Hubby and I have spent the last few days cleaning up MIL’s house looking for the important stuff – the deed to the house and the title to her car. It was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Then we found the key to the Safe Deposit Box. Yep, that’s where she put them. Along with the registration to a car they got rid of in the mid 80’s.
So far there hasn’t been any sibling drama. I’m not sure if it’s safe to breathe a sigh of relief yet.
Jr and Girlfriend are having some drama. I don’t know all the details and judging from what I details I have gotten . . . I don’t want to know. Let’s just say that from where I’m sitting, it looks like The Family was seriously disrespected. She should be glad that our last name isn’t Soprano. I know there are two sides to every story and I’m willing to sit and listen to hers . . .
Hubby found MIL’s jewlery box. Oh. My. Garwsh. I don’t understand why she didn’t wear of this stuff. Some of it is absolutely beautiful. Some of it I just shake my head. Think of 1960’s era Old Lady Jewelery.
We’re finally getting back to a routine. That suits the dogs just fine. Yesterday was the first day I was home all evening in a while. They kept running in and out to make sure it was really true . . . poor babies.
My house is a cluttered mess. Between the flowers and the stuff that Hubby’s bringing over from MIL’s house, it looks like a disaster area. And I’m afraid to touch anything because I don’t want to upset Hubby’s filing system . . . his filing system is a pile in the middle of the kitchen table.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been a little pre-occupied lately. I haven’t been surfing the net much. I haven’t been watching my soaps faithfully. But, seriously, how could I have missed this?! How is this even possible?!
First Guiding Light gets cancelled and now this.
I have no words.
Today, I’m fine. Hubby and I started the probate process by meeting with the lawyer. The estate should be settled in 4 – 6 months. That’s one more thing checked off Hubby’s to do list. He can breathe a little easier now.
The service was beautiful. Extremely short by my Catholic Girl standards but beautiful nonetheless. The weather didn’t cooperate so the graveside service was at the chapel at the cemetary instead of at the actual graveside. No sibling drama – which made me very happy. MIL always wanted the siblings to get along and for one day they did. My house was filled with people after the service – which made Luci and Rocky happy because there were so many people willing to give them treats. My house now is filled with flowers – and that’s after giving some to the siblings and the children.
Hubby and I were worried about how Mother would look. She’d been so sick for so long that we were afraid she’d look like a sick little old lady. She looked like she did before she got really sick. They did a beautiful job. I know that it’s silly to say someone looks good laying in a casket – if she looked good she wouldn’t be dead – but she looked like I remembered her. That was important to Hubby. He sat quietly in his seat in front of the casket for most of the visitation. Not a sniffle on during the service or at the graveside. After everything was done and we were sitting in the chapel, he turned to me and said that I really needed to stop crying. When I turned to look at him, he said that if I didn’t stop crying that he would start crying and he didn’t think he’d be able to stop. Of course, that made me cry harder for a minute or so.
It was a rough day but we got through it. There are more rough days ahead, but we’ll get through those too. The weather here stinks right now. Chilly, dreary, and cold. Kind of like how we feel.
But it’ll be sunny again soon . . .
That’s how we’re getting through the day. We get up. We put one foot in front of the other. After a while, we realize that a few hours have gone by and we’re getting stuff done.
Hubby’s suit fits and doesn’t need pressed. Yippee!! I even found a tie that we had forgotten about so that he’s not wearing the exact same outfit to his Mother’s funeral that he wore to his Father’s. Oh crap. I just remembered I have to check his shoes . . . and socks. Geeze, does this to do list ever end?
Hubby went with me to pick out an outfit for Mother to wear for the funeral. Like everything else, he said he would know the perfect outfit when he saw it. He found the outfit the minute we walked into the store. I have to admit that it looks like something she would pick out for herself. Except for the shoes. I hate the shoes and I think they totally don’t work with the outfit. But how do you disagree with your husband about shoes he’s buying for his Mother for her funeral?
My little black dress fits but it needs to be washed. Thank heavens for machine washable clothes. I don’t have the strength to deal with the dry cleaner. I found a pair of panty hose but I need to find a jacket to go with the dress. Thankfully I found my black dress up shoes.
I’m cleaning the house so that it won’t be such a disaster when everyone comes. Little Sister offered to come help, but I’m too embarrassed to have her see the clutter.
The Lovely Funeral Home sent over dinner for us tonight. Warm dinner from a local deli. It showed up just as I was starting to think about what the heck am I going to do for dinner? We picked this funeral home because of the wonderful service they had given to us over the years when dealing with the death of Goldie and Blacky. We figured if the level of service was this fantastic when dealing with a deceased pet, can you imagine the service you’d get for a human family member? We have not been disappointed. They are amazing.
The sibling issue is still a complete puzzlement to me. Hubby’s family just isn’t very close at all. I’m from a very close large family and the stuff going on with Hubby and The Siblings is the complete opposite of what I would expect a family to do in this type of situation. I don’t really know why I’m surprised. Hubby and I have been dealing with all of the Mother issues by ourselves for a long time . . . why would I think that things would change now?
Luci and Rocky know something is going on but they aren’t sure what. They’re very clingy and spending lots of time with Hubby. Hubby’s been very clingy – which is totally not like him – and has not gone anywhere alone since the whole drama started. Every appointment, every task we’ve completed together. I know that he’s hurting now and I think having me there with him is his security blanket. If he loses his composure, I’ll be there to finish the conversation. At least that’s how it’s been going so far.
Off I go. Putting one foot in front of the other to finish this day . . .
My worst nightmare has been realized. After 13 years of hoping and praying that this day would never come, it arrived with a phone call in the middle of the night. Have you ever noticed that really bad news always arrives with a phone call in the middle of the night? My mother-in-law passed away in the wee hours of Monday morning. She had been in the rehab unit at a local care facility for about 10 days. She was determined that she was going to do everything they asked so that she could regain her strength and go home to her quiet little house with her little dog.
We noticed over the weekend that she was starting to have some trouble breathing so they did more chest x-rays. The pneumonia was back and in both lungs this time. Nothing terribly worrisome – start antibiotics, increase the breathing treatments, see how she does. She wasn’t running a high fever, her oxygen rates were good, she felt fine except for the shortness of breath. Sunday night she was resting comfortably. The nurse checked her at 3:10 and everything was fine but 10 minutes later, she was gone.
I got a phone call at 3:30 a.m. I knew the minute I heard the phone that it wasn’t going to be good. The nurse informed me that there had been a change of condition and we needed to get to the care facility as quickly as possible. I asked what the change of condition was and the nurse told me the story of what had happened. I must have been half asleep because I called back to make sure I had heard correctly. Hubby was out delivering newspapers and I wanted to be absolutely sure that I had the right information if I was going to have to make THE PHONE CALL to break the news to Hubby. Unfortunately, I had heard correctly. She was gone. And I was the one that had to deliver the news to Hubby.
It’s one thing to receive THE PHONE CALL in the middle of the night. It’s a totally different thing to have to make THE PHONE CALL to your husband of 25 years. How do you deliver that kind of news? How do you do that and then listen to his heart break?
So one journey has ended and another one has begun. I’ve got a zillion things to do. Does Hubby’s suit need to be pressed and cleaned? Does my little black dress still fit? Do I even own a pair of pantyhose? I need to find something for Mother to wear. There will be people at my house after the service and my house is a disaster. There’s gonna be drama. With Hubby’s family there’s always drama.
Aaarrgghh . . . one more thing to add to an already busy life . . .
Luci has been digging at a spot on her hip. I was guessing a grass allergy of some sort because she was licking her toes as well. I remember how miserable Goldie used to be with the grass allergy so I made an appointment for Hubby to take her to the vet.
It isn’t a grass allergy. It’s something like psoriasis. They gave her a shot for the itching. They gave us pills to give her for an infection they say she has – she gets three pills twice a day. They gave us a special shampoo for us to use when we give her a bath. We have to give her a bath twice a week for two weeks and then once a week for another month or so until the dry skin clears up and then once a month to keep the dry skin under control.
You read that correctly. I have to give Luci the Evil Lab Who Loves Water a bath TWICE A WEEK. With special shampoo. That she’ll have to use for the rest of her life. Okay. I can deal with all of that. The do-it-yourself dog wash place is gonna love us!! There’s no way I’m going to give that big lug of a dog a bath at home.
With everything else that’s going on in my life right now, I could easily get discouraged and upset about one more thing that is blowing up in my face. But for some reason, that’s not how I’m looking at this at all. I see it as God’s way of giving me a chance to spend more time with Luci and Rocky.