False Alarm

Sorry to leave everyone hanging with that last blog entry.  It turned out that the situation wasn’t as dramatic as we were lead to believe.  Hubby and I have decided that MIL’s new nickname should be Drama Queen.  Oh, she’s still a very sick lady.  Congestive Heart Failure.  COPD.  All kids of related heart and lung problems.  We’ve added a serious case of Acid Reflux.  But luckily no heart attack, no stroke, no kidney failure.  Hubby and I talked to the doctor and got the straight scoop.  She has some serious health issues, but nothing is life threatening at this time.  MIL was in the hospital for 4 days this time.  She’s stabilized and back home. 
 
Hubby and I also got a bit of information that we didn’t think MIL ever intended us to know.  She’s been having her neighbors take her to doctors appointments because she doesn’t want us to know what’s going on with her.  There’s just one problem with that . . . she’s given Hubby and I permission to talk to the doctors about her care and she’s given Hubby power of attorney for her medical care.  Whenever there’s a serious problem, she calls us.  She wants to keep us in the dark about what’s going on with her health issues, but wants us to rescue her when there’s a problem.  We’re a convenience for her.  When we talked to the doctor about all of this, we asked if she might be a little confused about things and the doctor assured us that there are no problems with MIL’s understanding of the situation. 
 
For 13 years Hubby and I have made every effort to be available for her for anything that she might need.  Take her to doctor’s appointments, sit in the waiting room during tests and procedures, sit in the ER whenever there’s a crisis.  Drop everything and run whenever she needs us.  We’ve used up sick time, vacation time, personal time.  We’ve juggled our schedules and our lives to make sure that she was taken care of – because that’s what families do for each other.  But it’s not wanted or appreciated.
 
To say that I’m mad is a serious understatement.  It’s been four days and I’m still trying to process it all.  She says that she’s sorry and that she’s going to change – but I can see in her eyes that she’s not sincere about it.  I don’t think she’s sorry that she’s hurt us . . . I think she’s sorry that she got caught.  She’s telling us what she thinks we need to hear to keep us around.  I’m torn about what to do.  Half of me wants to let her deal with it on her own and walk away.  Half of me says that I can’t do that.  I was raised better than that.  I may be extremely mad at her, but she’s family and family always comes first.  Hubby can’t even talk about it.  The saddest thing is that regardless of what we decide – she’s going to make us look like bad children for not doing more for her.    
 
So, Dumb and Dumber Health Care has been scaled back a bit . . .
 
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5 Comments

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5 responses to “False Alarm

  1. Beth

    I hope things begin to get better for all of you. How old is she? Perhaps she is starting to get confused. Doctors don\’t know everything. Many doctors think they are God but in reality they are only human. I sure found that out during my husband\’s illness.

  2. Big Dog Mom

    Hi, Beth – MIL is 75 years old and a very stubborn and independent lady. She\’s been doing this stuff for years and she knows exactly what to say and do to get sympathy and attention. Hubby and I have always had a feeling that we were being played but we could never prove it. The doctor that gave us the assessment has been treating MIL for 15 years. We\’re still involved with her care but the relationship is clearly strained right now. We are looking at options for a second assessment for her mental status but getting her to agree to the assessment is going to be an uphill battle. My mom tells me that there\’s a special place in Heaven for us for dealing with all of this.

  3. Beth

    So very true; My mom always said "You will get your rewards in Heaven." I do hope that is so.Keep on hanging in there. You guys are strong!

  4. Dori

    So sorry to hear about the problems with MIL. I think I know how she thinks and acts – have a friend here who is very similar. She would complain about her children and her friends. It took us gals quite a while to figure out that she was playing us. She is a Drama Queen for sure. But, know what, we just take the high road – help her when we can and don\’t get offended when she tells one of us something about the other or others. If you can reach a medium ground where you feel better about helping her when you can, you will all be much happier. BUT, the burden should not all be on you and hubby. If her neighbors and/or friends can help out, that\’s even better. I\’m glad you have a good connection with her doctor – they is key since she likes to leave you in the dark.I know you didn\’t ask for any advice – but I\’m concerned about you, Pam. You have a lot on your plate and it\’s not healthy to be so upset.Take special care, and I will pray that things start going better, ok?On a much lighter note – Rocky is such a handsome dude – the boxer is really coming through. Do you know what else he might be? I met a man ther other day who had a little white dog that looked just like a poodle except he was sturidier looking. – he had the DNA ran on him and found out his predominant genes were Doberman Pinscher – poodle as well as another breed that I have forgotten made up the rest of his DNA. Interesting!

  5. Big Dog Mom

    Dori & Beth – What would I do without you two! Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Heaven knows I need it right now. We do have a little bit of help with MIL – her wonderful neighbors on both sides are very helpful. We\’re trying to get SIL to understand the serious of MIL\’s health problems but she seems content with letting Hubby and I shoulder all the burden and then questioning every decision we make. Hubby also has a brother that lives an hour and a half away and thinks that gives him a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to facing the facts. I shouldn\’t be surprised at MIL\’s antics – she\’s been this way for the 27 years I\’ve been a part of Hubby\’s family. Unfortunately, the older she gets the worse the situation gets. I\’ve started to point out when she\’s being intentionally mean but she just doesn\’t get it. She thinks that being a sick little old gives her the right to say what she wants. I\’m just thankful that Hubby and I are on the same page about all of this. Oh, and I\’m thankful for Luci and Rocky. They can make me forget just about anything!

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