I hate my job. I rarely write about my job, but I’m so frustrated right now that I have to get this out of my system.
Okay, maybe hate is too strong of a word. Maybe it’s just frustration. Maybe it’s just that I’m swamped and I don’t see any hope of it getting any better. Maybe this job just isn’t the right fit for me.
Last year when I took the job, I realized that I was going to have to learn a lot of new things and I adapted pretty well, I thought, to all the challenges. I also realized that I was going to have to learn how to live in Cubicle Land after being in a small office environment. Turns out that Cubicle Land is just as awful as I remembered it. I was at the Little Law Firm for 5 years so my office politics skills got a little rusty. I’ve always been a "if you think it, say it" kind of a person. But I can’t quite do that anymore. I have to think before I blurt something out. I’m not a manager, but I work closely with the owners and sometimes my co-workers think I have the inside scoop on what’s going on in the office. I have to be careful that one of my glib comments isn’t taken as a Gospel truth and spread all over the office. Sometimes I feel like I have to be a Stepford Admin – perfect all the time and setting a good example for all the others. Smile all the time. Answer with "Yes, I can do that." when I have no idea how I’m going to pull it off. Always have the answer to every situation and never make a mistake. Never let them see you sweat.
Frankly it’s a bunch of BS. I’m not perfect. I’m human. I make mistakes. I am only one person and I can only do so many things at a time. Right now I feel like all I’m doing is putting out fires. I don’t have time to plan for projects. I don’t have time to think about future events. We are moving the office in a little more than 30 days and it seems like every day I have some new task added to an already overloaded To Do list. It’s hard enough wading through all the normal stuff without having to deal with all the move things, too. I keep thinking that it will get better once the move is over, but the list just keeps growing.
Add to the "I hate my job" issue the 45 minute commute. That’s 45 minutes from the time I leave the house until I get to my desk. And that’s if there aren’t any traffic problems. I have always disliked the drive, but I was willing to do it when I worked at the Little Law Firm because I loved the job. Now that I have moved to Large Insurance Company, I’m not so happy with the drive. It’s an hour and a half of my day spent in the car. Yes, I have the XM Radio to keep me company, and right now that’s the only highlight to my day.
Add to mix that gas jumped to $4 a gallon here today. Yikes. Thankfully the Dog Mobile gets good gas mileage, but still. It just doesn’t seem worth it to drag my butt out of bed, drive 45 minutes one way, spending $4 a gallon for gas to go to a job that I hate . . . or really intensely dislike. Hubby’s been listening to me rant about this all week . . . and he’s being wonderfully supportive. He’s the one that I spend the weekend thinking about what I really want to do.
Now that I know what the problem is . . . maybe I can figure out how to fix it . . .