Somewhere In My Broken Heart

Losing Luci was very rough on me.  It was a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions – trying to figure out what was wrong with her, trying to do anything I could to make her better, trying to accept the fact that there were no answers and finally making the decision to let her go.  All that in two weeks time . . . and then dealing with the guilt of being the one that made “the decision” and not being able to fix it like I promised. 

 

Then Hubby insisted that we get another dog the very next day.  I told him that I couldn’t do it.  I wasn’t ready.  I didn’t want another dog.  I wanted Luci.  He told me that it would help my grieving process.  I won’t repeat what I thought about that idea.  He told me that it would help Rocky’s grieving process.  Okay, I’ll admit that got my attention.  Poor Rocky had no idea what had happened.  He knew that big sister was sick.  She went away and never came back.  Mommy was crying.  Daddy was crying.  He had never been an only dog.  He was part of a litter of 13 puppies – there was always somebody to play with.  Then he came to live with us and discovered Luci.  They were inseparable from Day One. 

 

I didn’t want Millie.  I didn’t like Millie.  I didn’t want to like Millie.  She was a young dog.  She was hyper.  She looked like Luci.  This, surprisingly, was a disadvantage for Millie and kept me from warming up to her at the shelter.  I had visions of the hard time I had training Luci repeating itself with this small hyper dog.  Even though Hubby was supposed to be responsible for training her, I knew in my heart that if she came to live with us she was going to be my dog.  Then I heard her story.  Her original family didn’t want her and didn’t pay attention to her so she kept running away.  After the third time, the family decided they didn’t want her anymore and left her at the shelter.  So now here this poor little unloved dog was going to be part of a family with a Mommy that wasn’t 100% in love with her.  She deserved better than that.  I tried to talk Hubby out of adopting her but it was love at first sight for him and Rocky . . . I was overruled. 

 

I sulked.  I pouted.  I whined.  Millie didn’t pay any attention to that.  She was always there with a wagging tail and a bunch of puppy kisses.  When the alarm goes off in the morning, she makes the crate rattle because she’s so excited to see us.  She’s the first to run to the door when I come home from work.  She’s the one that walks me to the door when I leave for work in the morning.  She fit into the routine like she had always been there.  She didn’t mind spending time in the crate when we weren’t home or during the night.  She didn’t mess in the crate.  She only had a couple of accidents in the house – and that’s because we weren’t paying attention to her.  She always comes running at full speed when we call her name.  She’s learning her obedience commands quickly – even though her puppy enthusiasm sometimes takes over and she darts off after the first thing she sees. 

 

I guess subconsciously I’ve noticed that all of this has been going on but I only really started paying attention to it the last few weeks.  She’s doing her best to fit in and be a part of a family – her family.  Gotta give the little thing a lot of credit – she had a rough start in life but has worked it to her advantage.  She’s done everything we’ve asked of her and in the process she’s won me over.  Somewhere in my broken heart, I found room for the new baby. 

 

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